Low Self Belief Part One
30th May 2011
Working as a therapist in Brighton & Hove and internationally with clients with low self esteem, self belief, confidence, self worth, depression, stress and anxiety over the years has given me some amazing insights into why they are experiencing life the way they are. This article is about where this comes from and part two will continue this and focus on what can be done to begin turning this around.
Human nature can be cruel and people can make us feel quite sh*t about ourselves with careless comments, bullying and judgmental prejudice. Add to that the comparisons we often make with others, beating ourselves up and our self esteem and self worth just gets chipped away and often to quite low points. Confidence becomes and issue and life feels much tougher when feeling too self conscious about how we are perceived in our work, social and family environments.
Self sabotage is very common here too as you would do anything not to feel any emotions which remind you that you just are not good enough, so the easiest rejection is by yourself before others do it. Creating barriers and keeping people at a distance is a reactional response to the fear of being hurt anymore. The mind is very good at over predicting how much hurt will be experienced, so the barrier is there just in case, which can lead to quite a disconnected and lonely life.
The other patten I see with clients is how much they can feel a fraud inside as they mask how they really feel in certain situations and over time this can make them feel quite fake. Another downside to this is that people around them can sometimes sense that this person is not being themselves which naturally creates a barrier due to an instinctual lack of trust.
Ok, this all sounds a bit depressing but in reality the people experiencing this can end up with lives which feel depressing and stressful to live as their minds work over time trying to protect them from experiencing the emotions they fear the most. These are:
Not feeling good enough
Anger & frustration
The good news is that this can be changed and you can work on developing your inner strengths and resources which you may be surprised to find out are better than you think. In fact I will show you just how amazing you really are and break through the thick, foggy, illusional barriers in your mind which are trapped into thinking that there is something wrong with you that you have to hide
When exploring this with clients it is often obvious where this lack of self belief comes from and it usually is their childhood. There are some experiences which effect children very deeply as they are so sensitive as they grow into young adults. For example careless throw away comments by other children, teachers, parents and family which the child feels bad about themselves in some way can stick for years.
Parents are usually the cause in many ways, this isn’t about blaming them for the way they are but understanding the roots of where low self belief can come from. Parents often do their best but they have their own issues and low self belief too and their behaviour just gets passed on and mutates which each generation.
My main point is that children need to feel loved, nurtured and acknowledged, this comes with encouragement and validation that they are loved and accepted which helps them grow with a strong sense of self belief. As adults we still require validation that we are accepted and loved too and when this doesn’t happen our self belief can take a battering, especially when we beat ourselves up too.
So how do you change any areas of low self belief?
I will go more into that in a part two of this article so it isn’t too long.